What I may be doing when I look busy typing...

Tis’ true that he has problems. And wants to mind control. Though I think you are mentally ill, I have to put up with you talking to me at this moment. I try to keep busy typing and typing away so that you get the hint to leave me alone. But your mind has decayed and you are not changing. Please get away from me and leave me alone. Thank you.

hioef hioaeffioehiof hoiahef hiohdf oihoahf hoihaefh oiaehf eho hoihf oaihf iohiohf dhI will not do that because it's your job and you need to do it pleaes go away and stop bothering me. be an adult. mature. grow up. I am trying to ignore you and appear preoccupied. so let me be. Leave me be. bah do dootn buh bah do dah dah bah yah bah duh bah do-n dah bah dah yah buh bah do n dah bah dat. bat boop baba daba do you bwee doh bwee doh bweh doh

In an effort to clean out the freezer, I heated up the mac & cheese that someone left in our fridge, after buying it at a bake sale back in February. The mac & cheese only had slight freezer burn but still, it was not a great idea to eat it. I also made the last of the round individually packaged pizzas and found a hidden 할라봉 귤 flavored 쮸쮸바, which Bean happily consumed.

I wonder if "when I grow up", I'll have a freezer always stocked with several bags of anchovies from my last trip to/someone's last visit from Korea, along with 김. I don't think I'll let anything else stay in the refrigerator for too long... I like to organize thoroughly and regularly.

There are some expressions that don't translate between Korean and English. While in Korea, I used to say to my aunt that something has been just sitting in the fridge, but in Korean. She would always laugh. I've also attempted to use the expression, "his face fell" in Korean, after I saw my dad's face as he saw me walk in through the door, but that didn't quite work either. He was expecting someone else.

I want to clean stuff out, detox and get ready for a new phase of life. I also just remembered that I was supposed to go to the post office to apply for a passport today. But first a nap. I will look back on my two years in LA as a time of many things, including many naps.

One time at the gas station with Eunice, we were talking about a recently engaged couple and another that won't be. Eunice concluded the conversation saying, "Don't people fall in love anymore? I fall in love all the time!"

The sanctity of marriage. My friend thinks her mom married her dad for his green card. I think my friend married because she hit thirty. Or quite possibly (also) because Korean society tells you that you are worthless as a female, unless you are married.

This must be a season for me to learn about love (and irony). My heart is teeming with observations, mostly jaded views, but not without a heaping of hope.

Favor

I took the girls (my baby bean and the three missionary kids) out on Thursday evening to Little Tokyo. We went to Wurstküche to try the exotic sausages, which in retrospect was not a fantastic idea. Even though their website says that kids and grandparents are "absolutely" allowed, I still felt a bit awkward as people at adjacent tables chugged beer, while we, including 9 year old 마음이, sipped water. Plus, none of the kids wanted to try any of the special sausages and I do not like hot dogs . My vegetarian dog tasted like rubber but jello bean raved that hers was the best hot dog ever.

After a visit to MOCA and Yogurtland, we drove through downtown and I gave them a little tour. I hadn't known Los Angeles either when I lived here as a kid, having been shuttled between school, home & church, with the occasional visit to Koreatown. They loved it. Los Angeles truly is a beautiful city. I drove to Pasadena to drop off the girls, and passed our old apartments on Lake Ave. and Los Robles. The whole night, I had this overwhelming sensation that I am extremely blessed and favored. Thank you, Jesus.

Who knew passion tea was such a popular choice?

I've never been the kind of girl to keep a scrapbook of her future wedding. It seems that every time I log onto facebook, a college friend has gotten engaged or is getting married. Today, I thought about it and decided what kind of wedding dress I'd like and what my future spouse's first name might be, among other details. Unfortunately, the particular dress style is probably not the most flattering for my body shape.

I decided to stalk some old flames on facebook. I looked at one profile that doesn't amount to anything more than an ephemeral flicker, then realized that I don't even have old flames I care to look up.

I'm going to a wedding in Big Bear this weekend. I hope they have cake.

And while on this topic, here's a revision of a poem I wrote for my newly engaged friend -

Passion tea, unsweetened
Legs crossed, though my chiropractor told me that’s poor posture
Wondering why people bring little kids to Starbucks…
Why teenagers trickle in after school wearing shorts too short
And are you with child or just with tummy?
Who knew this time would be now?
A gift set of Spam for your new life in Oklahoma
Congratulations, my dear friend.
Who knew passion tea was such a popular choice?

Saudades

Tonight I feel like getting away. I miss Ici & Cheeseboard from Berkeley, my dark tan from São Gabriel da Cachoeira and being in Seoul.

정 - I miss you.
정 - 바를 정 is my name.
As of two days ago, it has officially become one half of my first name.

It was hot outside today. I really like that the first floor of our house stays cool and that crickets continuously chirp through these summer nights.

I also thought to myself today, "I am a middle-class American citizen now." I said that in my head in English.

I am glad that my Amazon bug bites finally have started fading; I wonder if they will eventually become unnoticeable. I hope so, with these scars.

I am looking forward to wearing my jelly shoes tomorrow. I love jelly shoes.

`_´

Isn't it funny that I sing bossa nova? I thought to myself today that some loud rock music, like Papa Roach, would be more fitting for my temperament, than someone like João Gilberto. Is this an appropriate place to say it's ironic?

Remembering that I am angry, made me sad. These swollen eyes will not go well with my smile in the morning.