Saudades

Tonight I feel like getting away. I miss Ici & Cheeseboard from Berkeley, my dark tan from São Gabriel da Cachoeira and being in Seoul.

정 - I miss you.
정 - 바를 정 is my name.
As of two days ago, it has officially become one half of my first name.

It was hot outside today. I really like that the first floor of our house stays cool and that crickets continuously chirp through these summer nights.

I also thought to myself today, "I am a middle-class American citizen now." I said that in my head in English.

I am glad that my Amazon bug bites finally have started fading; I wonder if they will eventually become unnoticeable. I hope so, with these scars.

I am looking forward to wearing my jelly shoes tomorrow. I love jelly shoes.

`_´

Isn't it funny that I sing bossa nova? I thought to myself today that some loud rock music, like Papa Roach, would be more fitting for my temperament, than someone like João Gilberto. Is this an appropriate place to say it's ironic?

Remembering that I am angry, made me sad. These swollen eyes will not go well with my smile in the morning.

REAL (sister) TALK

My beloved old phone's screen finally blanked out for good. Playing with my new touchscreen phone, Jello said, "it's weird when old people (like you) have high-tech phones."

I told Eunice I should probably lose about ten pounds to be at the ideal weight for someone my height. She remarked, "but your head is so large!"

Entry from yesterday

One of the things I don’t like is overeating and realizing after the fact, that the food wasn’t even that good. I just fried some rice cake (떡) with sugar, because I felt nostalgic for the treats my mom made when I was really little. By the time I only had about half a dozen left, I was neither hungry nor enjoying them but it was an odd amount to leave so I just finished it. Remind me not to do that again.

Some other things I don’t like
Being late
Being irresponsible/ careless
Meeting slimy people

I did all of the above in the past week. I want to become a person I would like. I can’t do much about slimy people that approach me, but I can discern how to best deal with them.

I won’t always be on my way out
When days evaporate into the clouds
I’ll settle for good with my loves
I wonder if it’ll forever feel like I’m fresh out of the shower
Sitting out on the glade, but never needing sun block

Home

Now that I'm gearing up to leave LA this summer, I realize just how much I love this place. It is after all, my hometown, and full of sunshine and fragrant wind. And I recently thought to myself that I'm finally getting the hang of this driving thing (except parallel parking). I guess I'm more of a So. Cal kind of girl than I thought.

St. Patrick's Day Entries

I spotted a couple people carrying tall banners right outside of Macy's Plaza and curiously walked toward what I perceived to be a mob, until I realized the banners were just ads for eyebrow threading and a new AT&T store. When I was living in Korea a few years ago, protests were not an uncommon sight. It had me excited for a minute.

Then I headed toward a blocked off street where Casey's pub was hosting a St. Patrick's Day show. Lured by a kazoo-like rendition of Shenandoah, I walked behind the stage and ran into another person carrying a banner. He was peering through the quasi-transparent green screen behind the stage, holding a banner that featured a bold red cross and the phrase, "Jesus saves." I kept walking and saw another of the same. If you ever visit Seoul, you'll see the night lit up by red crosses, all over the city.

On my way out from lunch at Harlem Place Cafe, I noticed a blown up image of more people holding banners in the cafe's window - protest signs this time! They read "WE WANT BEER".

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A familiar woman walked by me during lunch hour downtown today.
A well-groomed, full-bodied woman in makeup and business suit.
The last time I saw her, she was a moderately overweight teen with bushy eyebrows in white tank-top, overall shorts and tennis shoes. In my slip-on sneakers and t-shirt, I didn't know whether to feel young or old. Then I just wondered how wide my hips might appear to an observer. Do I digress?

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She stocks up on new tupperware
and holds onto once cherished storybooks.
Perhaps she even has money she doesn't have
set aside for the occasion.
In my usual prater, thinking of nothing in particular,
I mention that it seems having a family with two little kids
may be holding back an older friend in her career.She quickly
jumps into say that she could watch my babies,
as long as she is able to stop working full-time.

HUh? baby?
The hints have been becoming less and less subtle. Yes,
I am aware that I am a day over twenty-four and a quarter, 엄마.
But just barely, as it continuously surprises me to announce that number.

And please, there is no need to figure my years in Korean age.